i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're a waste of cheezeits
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
