is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
