she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
