Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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