He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize