dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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