You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize