My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
