Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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