the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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