the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
