He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
