Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
