I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
