she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
