i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize