Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
