Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
