You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
