I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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