her vagine was all disorganized.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
