I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
