Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
