Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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