Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
