college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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