he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize