she woke up with a sticky ear
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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