Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
