I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
