i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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