I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
