I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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