like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
