Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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