I smell stomach acid.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
