last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh god the rape fog is back!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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