you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
