so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize