Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
