Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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