I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
