Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
