I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize