she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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