if you like me you must not know who I am
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
