I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
