all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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