So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
