There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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