I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
