last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
