i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
