allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
