Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will pee on everything he values.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
