I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
