I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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