Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
