well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
as a side note pls kill me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize