I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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