I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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