He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize