First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
