So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
