I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize